Why do I have this uneasy feeling on a Sunday?

I've planned all the activities that I wanna do on Sunday & deep inside me, there is this awkward/uneasy feeling of returning to work tomorrow.

Whether I like it or not, its a fact that having a job keeps me financially stable & I shld learn to manage my emotions well after 3 years in the workforce.

It seems that I have alot more to conquer & learn.

Faking a MC is ethically wrong but given the circumstances I'm in (my boss won't grant any leave approval during peak period & during this period of time where every1 is clocking OT to prepare for audit), I have to lie in order to complete my essay. It is a graded essay that I have to submit before noon on Fri, 29 Jan.

Anyhoo, I've submitted my work at 11.58am & it is not entirely a very well-written essay. A last minute work with very little research =( I'm disappointed. I'm guilt-stricken.

Is this a sign? A sign that something has to go?

After accumulating all the frustrations (having to do double work, battling constant scrutiny from my supvr, micro-mgt & the high volume of operations work to complete everyday), I finally broke down in tears yesterday.

I spent my entire Saturday working from morning till night; transferring student's contracts to individual p-files. I'm supposed to do filing, hence I did not check my emails when I stepped in the office yesterday morning. Guess what? My mgr sent an email on Sat morning abt the documents to be inserted behind the dividers & my supvr didn't breathe a single word. She non-chalantly took the files I've done to check b4 askg whether have I read the email. I was so pissed & I cried the entire morning. I felt like a zombie thereafter.

I used to harbour thoughts that something is wrong with me. Is it my character? Why things doesn't seem to be working well in my career?

I spoke to people who are close to me. People who've known me for years & the answer is NOTHING WRONG! I just need to focus on what is most impt in my life right now.

The journey that I'm going thru is lonely & its filled with lotsa uncertainties.

Where am I heading?
Is this what I truly want & what I truly desire?

I'm exhausted. I clocked at least 14 working hrs everyday.
My life is only work, work & endless work.

When can I find true happiness, true satisfaction & a fulfilling career? Only God can tell...

The only word that I can describe myself (presently) is fatigue.

Yup, I'm down with fatigue. I have been working 14 hours everyday and on Saturdays, I'm expected to return to work. I didn't stay till evening cos I have an appt with Nat earlier and I left office around 1.30pm on Sat.

I guess the gd thing is I've managed to catch the movie: Old Dog @ Lido. It was a comedy & has helped to de-stress a lil'.

Alrighty, I'm gonna rest as much as I can before the new week begins.

My first blog entry of 2010.

I spent 4 hrs @ Yishun 10's Burger King with Rebecca Chip earlier. It was a long catch up session and I'm glad to see that she is enjoying what she is doing right now (i.e. volunteering @ the theatre). She has always been interested in theatre arts & with her present job in IRAS, it has given her more personal time to explore the learning opportunities from our local arts scene. She will be flying off to HK for a vacation on the 7th & shortly after that, I'll be off to Macau on 22nd. I have not planned for my itinerary & is still contemplating whether shld I take a ferry to HK on the first day. Perhaps closer to the date then I'll decide.

Rebecca has recommended a few plays which I might consider catching it. This year, I'm aiming to strike a worklife balance & set aside more personal time to do the things that I've been yearning to get started on.

Happiness is an attitude & I definitely believe in it. Cheers!

In 56 minutes time, I will be ushering in a brand new year. I could barely believe that 2009 will be gone soon and I'm penning my reflections now in my last entry of the year.

2009 has been a year of upheavals for me. The unhappiness that I encounter in my 2nd job has opened a door for opportunities that I've never dreamt I'll be doing. Yes, my present job as a Prog Exec was something that came as a surprise and something that I did not apply for. It wasn't easy working in an environment that is seniority-based & co-workers who doesn't respect the fact that every1 has a different way/style of handling tasks. Wadeva it is, I don't give a damn! Afterall, what matters most is that I get the work done @ the end of the day. They can say all they want & I can't be bother.

This year I've also tried modelling for fashion show & magazine's advertisement. Its interesting & the experience was fulfilling. I've always like fashion and all thanks to my mom who was an apparel designer (back in her younger days), I've gotten alot of inspirations on vintage style & I've learnt to incorporate these ideas in today's glam rock look.

I've also received alot of travel opportunities to Tanjung Pinang, Batam, Bangkok & Hong Kong in 2009. I'm really grateful for all the blessings that God has showered me. Honestly, after I've quitted my 2nd job, I've never thought nor hoped that I'll have enough finances to go abroad for holidays. It was a good vacation & I've thoroughly enjoyed every trip that I went.

Did I miss out anything else? Well, I've made several friends in my workplace & they are really nice people! Very encouraging & always lending me a listening ear! I'm still in touch with my friends in Deloitte & for the coming 2010, my aim is to have a better worklife balance & to retain + maintain the friendship that I had. Most imptly, I want to enjoy gd health, gd career prospects & I hope the same goes to every1 who is reading my blog.

Here's wishing all of u a Happy New Year & a wonderful 2010!

XOXO,
Claude (signing off)

Sat, 26 Dec - Diana's wedding @ the Dragon Gate's restaurant. The food was good & a few of my former classmates were there. The dinner lasted till 10.55pm and I managed to take a train home. Prior to arriving for her banquet, I took a cab that cost me nearly $18 all b'cos the MRT's Circle Line to Harbourfront has not been activated. In the end, the train terminated at Marymount station. Geez~ If only I know they start serving their dinner after 8pm, I wouldn't have rushed down & paid a hefty sum for the fares. Never mind, it is already over. I'm happy to be there to celebrate Diana's wedding & to me, that is most impt.

Sun, 27 Dec - I had a lunch date with Jo & Linda together with a few other friends to East Coast's Tung Lok. The lunch buffet is gd! We enjoyed chatting & laughed when Linda told us how she convinced her son to wear only his briefs to go down to his neighbourhood carpark to collect stuffs from Jo. Now, she has to tell her son to wear his pants as he grew older. I bought 2 dresses from Jo's boutique & I'm keeping one of them for CNY =) Argh, seems like the Monday blues is getting on me. I'm ending my entry here & I can't wait for my New Year's eve! I'll be going to Jacqueline's house for a mini-gathering! Cheers!

Not exactly a marathon but rather I've watched Sherlock Holmes & Avatar for the past 2 days, and they R awesome! I've spent $20 on movie tickets but they are worth it!

For X'mas eve & X'mas day, I've celebrated these days with gift exchanges, movies & a great dinner with my ex-classmates & Naoko. Today is Diana's wedding & I'll be leaving my house in 2 hrs time for the banquet.

I shall blog again soon~

Have a great weekend & a blessed 2010!